(no subject)

 I'm starting to think the Machines in the "Matrix" movies had the right idea when they stuck all the humans in pods... so they couldn't hurt themselves or anyone else.

In other news, I'm starting to think I'm invisible to everyone except people looking for someone to abuse. If I've been more snappish than usual, it's because I'm in reflexive biting mode.

Retail therapy not quite working

Had an appointment with my therapist for the first time in almost three months -- holidays and just plain being tired and run-down caused me to miss the last one, which would have been in the middle of December. In some ways I'm stabilized, in other ways I'm hanging by a thread.

Today being one of those days. I've had two caplets of 5-HTP today, but they don't seem to be doing much to shake the overwhelming feeling of worthlessness that's hovering over me. Not even finally getting the DVD of "Stardust" could perk me up. I honestly feel like I could just disappear and no one but my parents would think to look for me or even notice if I was gone, except that people would suddenly realise there was one less person to kick around.

Seems the writing group at the library has disbanded, which is extremely unfortunate. One more thing that helped keep me going that's been snatched out of my hands. I keep going on just for the sake of the few folk I trust, since I'm really having a very hard time going on for myself right now.