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Losing my Religion...
Jul. 1st, 2008 06:27 pmWhich seems to be my theme song right now, though the phrase is a Southern term meaning you lost your temper/got really mad. In my case, it's an outrageous pun, so no one tell me God and/or the gods don't have crazy ideas of humor.
Gotten past the rage from yesterday, and I seem to have drifted into a formless, vaguely depressed feeling. I'm still able to pray, at least, but I find myself going into selective mutism mode on the last third of the Apostles' Creed when I'm saying the rosary, or specifically the line about believing in the Catholic Church.
I'm minded of something that WGAnubis, my MxO mentor and good friend, once said when I had a similar (though less devastating) crisis of faith last year. He terms his beliefs as "non-denominational, non-organizational Christian", and his thought is that Christianity works better as a philosophy than as a dogmatic set-up. I can't help agreeing with him, considering how the Catholic Church has sadly devolved from a vibrant faith community to a spiritually anal-retentive bureaucracy. I mean, isn't that what Christ came down here to accomplish, in part? A quiet revolt against the nit-picky bureaucracy that pre-Christian Judaeism had become? I mean, He's got a whole rant against the Pharisees and their rules-lawyering, recorded in St. John's Gospel (that and St. Luke are my personal favorites).
My faith in God hasn't been shaken, but my faith in the Church is on its last legs, and it's going to take nothing short of a miracle to save it. What's the line: "My problem isn't with God, my problem is with His fanclub", which about sums up my situation....
Gotten past the rage from yesterday, and I seem to have drifted into a formless, vaguely depressed feeling. I'm still able to pray, at least, but I find myself going into selective mutism mode on the last third of the Apostles' Creed when I'm saying the rosary, or specifically the line about believing in the Catholic Church.
I'm minded of something that WGAnubis, my MxO mentor and good friend, once said when I had a similar (though less devastating) crisis of faith last year. He terms his beliefs as "non-denominational, non-organizational Christian", and his thought is that Christianity works better as a philosophy than as a dogmatic set-up. I can't help agreeing with him, considering how the Catholic Church has sadly devolved from a vibrant faith community to a spiritually anal-retentive bureaucracy. I mean, isn't that what Christ came down here to accomplish, in part? A quiet revolt against the nit-picky bureaucracy that pre-Christian Judaeism had become? I mean, He's got a whole rant against the Pharisees and their rules-lawyering, recorded in St. John's Gospel (that and St. Luke are my personal favorites).
My faith in God hasn't been shaken, but my faith in the Church is on its last legs, and it's going to take nothing short of a miracle to save it. What's the line: "My problem isn't with God, my problem is with His fanclub", which about sums up my situation....