There is Damn Book badfic
Jun. 2nd, 2006 04:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
matrixrefugeeNot surprising, is it, considering that the bloody felching thing reads like a badfic itself? Complete with: Gary Stus and a Mary Sue; urplish writing; lack of solid research (DB claims, in the acknowledgements, that he contacted Catholic World Report magazine for some of his research, but when Catholic Answers contacted CWR, they said they had never had any contact with DB whatsover); tissue-paper-thin characters; awkward dialogue; bad pacing, etc. ad nauseum. So far I've seen:
--Silas random humor fics. Yeah. Random humor fics involving the albino assassin monk. That's about as logical as random humor fics involving the albino assassin Twins in the "Matrix: Reloaded" (although the Twins aren't amelanistic albinos like Silas, and for that matter, they're sentient programs designed to behave like *ghosts*, so they aren't exactly bound to the rules of human physiology to begin with). What's up with the teenyboppers thinking albino assassins are TEH KEWLIEEZ!!!11111 anyway?!
--Marie Suzette/Gary Stu-- I mean, Sophie/Langdon romance fics, up to and including Sophie's-having-Langdon's-baby fics. Like this or any universe needs those two to have a Baby!Sue/Stu/Oo. I'm pro-life, but that's one pregnancy I'd want to see terminated surgically or chemically; maybe Silas will come back from the dead and trip Marie-Suzette on a staircase, so she miscarries (but then we'd have to endure "Langdon-comforts-Sophie-after-she-lost-the-baby" fics...).
--Silas-saves-Mary-Sue fics. Bzzzuuuh??? Okay, setting aside the grossly inaccurate portrayal of Opus Dei (I recently read that the folks at an Opus Dei center invited Dan Brown to visit them and see what their ministry is *really* like. Very good gesture of good will on their part, but of course the jerk turned them down...), Silas is a *monk*. He took vows of celibacy. He's not likely to toss those aside on a whim and fall for your little Sue. Second, he's a very tortured, introverted and probably sociopathic guy; he's not likely to go out of his way to save your little Sue, and even if he did, he is *not* going to be transformed into something cute and cuddly (and much as I don't like the character, I like him better when the metaphoric fangs and claws were left intact).
And I had nightmares last night about finding bad slash fics involving:
--Langdon/Teabing (Doesn't help that Ian McKellan, who played Teabing in the Damn Movie, is gay, but we all know that Tom Hanks especially with that bloody *wig* on is about as slashable as a brick)
--Silas/Sauniere non-con (Glegh...)
--Sauniere/Langdon (I don't know why, especially since Sauniere is even less slashable than Langdon.)
--Silas random humor fics. Yeah. Random humor fics involving the albino assassin monk. That's about as logical as random humor fics involving the albino assassin Twins in the "Matrix: Reloaded" (although the Twins aren't amelanistic albinos like Silas, and for that matter, they're sentient programs designed to behave like *ghosts*, so they aren't exactly bound to the rules of human physiology to begin with). What's up with the teenyboppers thinking albino assassins are TEH KEWLIEEZ!!!11111 anyway?!
--Marie Suzette/Gary Stu-- I mean, Sophie/Langdon romance fics, up to and including Sophie's-having-Langdon's-baby fics. Like this or any universe needs those two to have a Baby!Sue/Stu/Oo. I'm pro-life, but that's one pregnancy I'd want to see terminated surgically or chemically; maybe Silas will come back from the dead and trip Marie-Suzette on a staircase, so she miscarries (but then we'd have to endure "Langdon-comforts-Sophie-after-she-lost-the-baby" fics...).
--Silas-saves-Mary-Sue fics. Bzzzuuuh??? Okay, setting aside the grossly inaccurate portrayal of Opus Dei (I recently read that the folks at an Opus Dei center invited Dan Brown to visit them and see what their ministry is *really* like. Very good gesture of good will on their part, but of course the jerk turned them down...), Silas is a *monk*. He took vows of celibacy. He's not likely to toss those aside on a whim and fall for your little Sue. Second, he's a very tortured, introverted and probably sociopathic guy; he's not likely to go out of his way to save your little Sue, and even if he did, he is *not* going to be transformed into something cute and cuddly (and much as I don't like the character, I like him better when the metaphoric fangs and claws were left intact).
And I had nightmares last night about finding bad slash fics involving:
--Langdon/Teabing (Doesn't help that Ian McKellan, who played Teabing in the Damn Movie, is gay, but we all know that Tom Hanks especially with that bloody *wig* on is about as slashable as a brick)
--Silas/Sauniere non-con (Glegh...)
--Sauniere/Langdon (I don't know why, especially since Sauniere is even less slashable than Langdon.)
