Throwing an empty plastic soda bottle at my wall

[matrixrefugee]

Bad, stressful day at work. Bad, stressful day at home. Bad, stressful day all around. I post-poned a player event of mine in MxO to try and take some of the pressure off myself -- just as well that I made the executive decision: one of the star players couldn't make it -- only to have my mother bugging me fill that empty slot. I think her meds must be off again, because she's been more naggy and nit-picky than usual. We've had two altercations today about Thanksgiving and how she expects me to help cook dinner that day, especially since she invited my dad's cousins to visit us. I had to remind her *TWICE* that I usually end up having to spend Thanksgiving resting since I'd been run ragged all that week at work.

I hate being the half-paycheck in our one-and-a-half paycheck household. I think I should have her come with me to work one of the days of Thanksgiving week, so she can see and hear and feel what I go through. And imagine what it's like to hear and see and feel it with what amounts to having an IMAX system in your head. Because that's what it's like to have an austism spectrum condition.

I want to write something. I read on my friends' page about you folks writing NaNo novels and short stories, but I haven't got a damn idea I can work with, or the energy to do it. I want to be me and not just some paycheck slave. And yes, I've tried getting a job at the library: the only slot they had availible was janitor work. Doing that, I'd feel like Ethan Hawke towards the beginning of "Gattaca", washing windows and cleaning toilets in an aeronautics institute, while the genetically Valid get to go up to space. Just because I don't have the same stress threshold or the same income bracket as other people doesn't mean I can't do something I'm really meant for. Fuck these people that insist you have to bust your chops and your life's savings to get a $10,000 dollar a year piece of paper known as "a degree" to be a librarian.

How can you follow your dream when the system won't let you, when they set it up to favor the non-disabled, upper middle to lower-upper class people and to relegate the disabled, the lower-middle class people to dead-end jobs that their personalities, their mental wiring just aren't suited for?! I wish they could get it through their heads, they're no better than I am. They aren't special snowflakes. They're made out of the same decaying organic matter as everything else. Doesn't matter how much money they have or what kind of qualifications they can brag about, we're all equal in the hollow eyes of the Reaper. I honestly wish they could walk a mile in my worn out, anything but designer shoes. They'd wonder how I even get out of bed in the morning every day...

And to the idiots in the Writers' Guild of America: you guys got a good thing going. I wish I was one of you. I wish I could write for a TV show; I got a few ideas for "Moonlight" -- including a slightly cracked crossover with "Shark" (really!) -- that I'd love to share. Maybe with the strike going on, I could step in and help them out, keep the show going while you whiny babies in the WGA spoil everything for the rest of us.

Comments

[koemiko.livejournal.com]

How can you follow your dream when the system won't let you, when they set it up to favor the non-disabled, upper middle to lower-upper class people and to relegate the disabled, the lower-middle class people to dead-end jobs that their personalities, their mental wiring just aren't suited for?!

I hear ya.

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

I hear you. I wish there was something that I could say to make things better, but I know from personsal experience that words usually do very little to clear up the kind of blackness you find yourself in.

Just know that I care about you and that I'm thinking about you, and that with your permission, I'd like to name one of the characters in my NaNo project Renee. Would that be all right?

[matrixrefugee.livejournal.com]

Just know that I care about you and that I'm thinking about you, and that with your permission, I'd like to name one of the characters in my NaNo project Renee. Would that be all right?

:: Does double-take:: Hee, I'd be more than honored if you did! I love your NaNo project, both the characters and the plot and the theme (anything with people of completely different belief systems meeting in the middle and working together for the Greater Good is right up my alley), and it's the sort of book I'd be reccommending to people high and low when/if you get it published.