"The Twelve Days of 'Matrix' Badfic"

[matrixrefugee]

To make up for the bitchiness in the last post, I bring you something I've been hammering at for a week now, inspired by the GAFF thread "GAFF Christmas Carols". I bring you:



'The Twelve Days of Matrix Badfic'

I'm not gonna go through the whole megillah of this song, much as I like the original (I think I'm the only person in the world who does), so I'll cut to the chase and do the last verse (Okay, I admit it doesn't scan quite right in places. Neither does Allen Sherman's hysterical "Twelve Days of Stuff for Christmas" or the "12 Pains of Christmas"):

On the Twelfth day of Matrix badfics, the fanbrats gave to me:
Ghost gone postal on Neo,
Squiddies boffing squiddies,
Chibi-fied Exiles,
Sparks snogging Roland,
Weepy-uke!Neo,
Merv bonking Bane,
Smith-snogging self-inserts,
Five Mpregged Merv minions,
Neo's Sue-ish sublings,
Sues who shoot the Merv,
Two Fluffy!Twins,
And a Sue who is "TEH R33l \/\/u|\|!!!!!11111111"

And mind you.... those are all. Taken from. Bad. Matrix. Fanfics. I. Found. This. Year.

Comments

[beckyh2112.livejournal.com]

I've still got fond memories of keeping my parents up by loudly singing all twelve verses of "The Twelve Days..." at night.

*snuggles*

[he-dreams-awake.livejournal.com]

...thanks for this.


I needed it.

[matrixrefugee.livejournal.com]

::Smiles and hugs:: Glad yah liked it!

[--flood.livejournal.com]

After seeing the Sparks snogging Roland...I am glad I have never once gazed upon* a Matrix fan fiction. That's just horrific.

And when have Merv and Bane even come close to meeting?!

Thanks for the laughs (or terror).

22:21, that ended. Eh...

[matrixrefugee.livejournal.com]

Ehhh, there's some nasty stuff on fanfiction.net, but it's nowhere as bad as some of the things I've seen on adultfanfiction.net. ::Eyes go O_O as she thinks about it::

And when have Merv and Bane even come close to meeting?!

It was in a rather strange "Matrix" RPG here on LJ. One of the players even drew a well-executed but weird fanart of the two of them en flagrante, to which an artist friend of mine who plays Smith in a much more logical "Matrix" RPG, pointed out "If Smith possessed!Bane is jacked into the Matrix, that makes him Smith." And Smith/Merv in any configuration frankly mashed our squick buttons.