Spazzed-out at work

[matrixrefugee]

*Thinking* about going on anti-depressants is no longer an option, but I don't have an appointment with my regular doctor until December. I think my mom is right: I do have some kind of menstrual depression problem. It seems the depression flares up the worst right around *that* time of the month. Which it is.

The whole matter bit me in the ankle literally at work tonight: I'd only been on about 45 minutes, and I was having a heck of a time trying to keep from crying, I was so strung out. Well, I was almost finished sacking one order --mostly baby food for a young couple and their 1-year old daughter -- when the father of the little kid commented on how the order was mostly food for the kid, and started kidding his daughter, calling her "a piglet". I only heard *what* he said, not *how* he said it (my Asperger's Syndrome flared up), so I looked him in the face and said, "Please don't talk to your little girl like that." He did the right thing: he ignored me. But as soon as I'd said it, I realized my mistake. Then, right at the end of the next order... I don't know how it happened, but I suspect the pocket of my work shirt-jacket caught on the frame for the plastic bags: Next thing I knew, the bagging frame fell off and clipped the inside of my right knee, just above the kneecap and dropped to the floor, clipping my toes. It was a glancing blow, I've got some small bruises, but the worst damage happened to my already shot emotions. I let out a roar like I'd just been stabbed, and I immediately felt so foolish that I froze up completely and started crying my eyes out. Fortunately the Frenchman was working tonight, so he took me aside, let me take a break so I could assess the damage in the privacy of the ladies' room. I wound up hiding there for a good five minutes anyway, crying. I managed to pull myself together long enough to limp out and find the Frenchman, to let him know what was going on. He was very understanding and let me have the rest of the night off, but as soon as I accepted that, I felt guilty.

Emotionally I'm a mess. I don't see any other way out except going on meds, and I feel like I'm being forced into it.

Comments

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

(((hugs MR)))

Ah... we're ALL forced onto antidepressants -- the important thing is to view them as a tool to help you get well and ease the suffering that's being caused by purely chemical imbalances. There's no shame in it, but I still feel shame anyway, personally. So I can kind of see where you're coming from.

I think you should give yourself points for accepting the Frenchman's offer. You did what was the best thing, adaptively, because if you'd stayed things would have gotten worse. Sometimes all you can do is cut your losses and give yourself credit for common sense. ;-)

(((hugs again)))

((hugs))

[veilofveronica.livejournal.com]

I have been where you are with the battle with depression, and know how much it can bite..but i tell you, Paxil saved my life. I know i sound like i belong on their commerical, but it's true..I was so paralyzed by GAD i never would have been able to live a "normal" life without it.
Please feel free to email me (nygirl@mts.net) if you want to chat. Just wanted to lend my support

[x-xsweetiex-x.livejournal.com]

It's the whole 'taboo' subject of anti-depressants. I know. Luckily for me, they weren't needed, but just admitting to myself i had a problem was the kick up the ass i needed. My advice, is to try them though, and see how you feel, but don't feel forced into anything...
*hugs lots*