The Revenge of the Damned Book
Mar. 28th, 2006 05:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
matrixrefugeeJust back from an appointment in Lowell. I managed to get to the noon Mass at St. Joe's, and I did a little browsing at Barnes & Noble.
Oh.
My.
God.
The Damned Book, aka. The DaVinci Code is on a rampage. The paperback movie-tie-in edition is out, both in trade-paperback and drug-store-romance-novel size (anyone know what that size paperback is called, officially?). Consquently, the movie version is now officially the Damn Movie at our house (Yes, my family, especially my dad and I, have a thing for giving nicknames to persons/places/things we either really like or really hate, or gleefully get annoyed with). I wish I'd had a set of V's throwing knives under my cloak, I'd have done a little book-skewering.
Anyone here know where I can get an anti-Damn Book icon to add to my stable of LJ icons?
On that note, here's something Ruby shared with me, which she'd found on somethingawful.com, an interesting parody on my (in her words) "faaaavorite book-about-to-become-a-blockbuster-movie":
The Kinkade Code
Thomas Kinkade, Painter Of Light And White PeopleTM, has been hiding coded messages in his artwork, messages that may lead to a secret buried for thousands of years. Now it is up to one man to seek out these codes and discover the truth for himself. Also, for some reason, he can't just ask Thomas Kinkade what the secret is. Maybe Kinkade’s out of town or his phone line is getting worked on. I'll think of something before it gets published. In any case, The Kinkade Code will grip you all the way from its explosive opening:
Prologue
Dr. Fredrick Klauster ran away from a shadowy figure. Then the shadowy figure shot him. He gasped and then he died but first he rearranged all the furniture in his house into specific patterns while slowly bleeding to death. He did this instead of calling the police.
Chapter 1
Dirk Battalion is the type of man that, if you were a lady, you would be all over. He may not be handsome in the traditional sense, and he may write books for a living instead of doing a "real job," and maybe his wife left him because he wouldn't stop talking about that one book of his that was successful and maybe despite all his massive amounts of money he cries himself to sleep each night in his oversized and oh so empty luxury bed, but he is still the biggest lady’s man around. Suddenly there was a car about to hit him.
Chapter 2
It didn’t hit him.
"Hey, there was a murder in Europe. I don't know anything about this type of thing, and the police could probably handle it but I'm going to fly over there and check it out anyway."
Said Dirk
"Yeah, that's a good idea," said his boss Rex Fister, who isn't evil.
Then the car started backing up and it looked like it might actually hit him this time. Also there was a cliff nearby, so he could maybe slip and fall off that. It’s a possibility to keep in mind anyway.
To the pulse pounding conclusion:
Chapter 57
I FUCKING HATE RELIGION FUCK RELIGION OH GOD WHY ARE PEOPLE PART OF A RELIGION CAN’T THEY SEE IT MAKES THEM LIKE SHEEP YOU ARE LIKE SHEEP BAAHHHH BAHHHHH suddenly a gun was pointing at Dirk.
Oh.
My.
God.
The Damned Book, aka. The DaVinci Code is on a rampage. The paperback movie-tie-in edition is out, both in trade-paperback and drug-store-romance-novel size (anyone know what that size paperback is called, officially?). Consquently, the movie version is now officially the Damn Movie at our house (Yes, my family, especially my dad and I, have a thing for giving nicknames to persons/places/things we either really like or really hate, or gleefully get annoyed with). I wish I'd had a set of V's throwing knives under my cloak, I'd have done a little book-skewering.
Anyone here know where I can get an anti-Damn Book icon to add to my stable of LJ icons?
On that note, here's something Ruby shared with me, which she'd found on somethingawful.com, an interesting parody on my (in her words) "faaaavorite book-about-to-become-a-blockbuster-movie":
The Kinkade Code
Thomas Kinkade, Painter Of Light And White PeopleTM, has been hiding coded messages in his artwork, messages that may lead to a secret buried for thousands of years. Now it is up to one man to seek out these codes and discover the truth for himself. Also, for some reason, he can't just ask Thomas Kinkade what the secret is. Maybe Kinkade’s out of town or his phone line is getting worked on. I'll think of something before it gets published. In any case, The Kinkade Code will grip you all the way from its explosive opening:
Prologue
Dr. Fredrick Klauster ran away from a shadowy figure. Then the shadowy figure shot him. He gasped and then he died but first he rearranged all the furniture in his house into specific patterns while slowly bleeding to death. He did this instead of calling the police.
Chapter 1
Dirk Battalion is the type of man that, if you were a lady, you would be all over. He may not be handsome in the traditional sense, and he may write books for a living instead of doing a "real job," and maybe his wife left him because he wouldn't stop talking about that one book of his that was successful and maybe despite all his massive amounts of money he cries himself to sleep each night in his oversized and oh so empty luxury bed, but he is still the biggest lady’s man around. Suddenly there was a car about to hit him.
Chapter 2
It didn’t hit him.
"Hey, there was a murder in Europe. I don't know anything about this type of thing, and the police could probably handle it but I'm going to fly over there and check it out anyway."
Said Dirk
"Yeah, that's a good idea," said his boss Rex Fister, who isn't evil.
Then the car started backing up and it looked like it might actually hit him this time. Also there was a cliff nearby, so he could maybe slip and fall off that. It’s a possibility to keep in mind anyway.
To the pulse pounding conclusion:
Chapter 57
I FUCKING HATE RELIGION FUCK RELIGION OH GOD WHY ARE PEOPLE PART OF A RELIGION CAN’T THEY SEE IT MAKES THEM LIKE SHEEP YOU ARE LIKE SHEEP BAAHHHH BAHHHHH suddenly a gun was pointing at Dirk.
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Date: 2006-03-29 11:45 pm (UTC)